I love dating. I think I’m pretty good at dating. The flirtatious banter and witty text sesh’s are my gluten free bread and organic butter. Wanna know what I’m horrible at? Well since I’m assuming you’ve said yes I’m gonna go ahead and tell you. I’m terrible at the “game” I don’t know how interested or uninterested I should act. When to call or text? Who knows. My hell is there a manual out there to tell me why this guy who is all about me has to wait 3 days to call.
All I want to do is get to 3rd base!!!
Kidding well kind of kidding but I will wait till marriage. However, this whole thing is a huge convoluted mess. I’m well seasoned in the dating arena. My experience has led me to be very particular about how I like to date. Now you have men dating me and 21 year old girls and what we want and how we date can be VERY different. Went on a date where the guy didn’t open my door. I mentioned it and he said “Oh sorry I dated this girl who though that was sexist” How in the world are guys going to know what girls want!?! We all want something different? We aren’t a one size fits all bubble shirt. I’ve learned that patience and open communication early on is necessary.
We also can’t leave out the fact that we all are carrying around our own baggage and insecurities and that my friends is a land mine I can’t seem to navigate. Some have been seriously wounded through everything from spousal abuse to pornography addictions. Low self esteem and self worth after divorce is something the majority of the divorced men I date deal with. Life is flipping hard and dating isn’t easy. I applaud those who are brave enough to commit to someone. For those in my life who not only have had that bravery once but now twice.
I can’t empathize how much respect is needed while dating. I see men who portray integrity far above my own. We all want to feel “safe” in the game. I met a guy a couple years ago. He had a crush, I was a player and nothing ever happened. Now that hopefully those days of polyandry type thinking are behind me I reconnected with him. He is a rad human that always made me laugh. We finally met up for an hour before he left out of town and scheduled a date. He called me the day of the date to tell me that on his trip he realized this girl he had been dating was the real deal. He asked me if it would be okay if we cancelled out of respect for both ladies. I was incredibly impressed by this. No games, no playing just honesty and respect. It helped me see that maybe I wasn’t being fair to men in this game.
NEW rules of dating.
No More ‘Waiting Game’
It’s done. Dead. Over. Yes, I officially declared it … no more waiting “three days” after a date to contact your new budding romantic interest. I never liked that silly rule, anyways. If I’ve had an amazing first date, you’ll know
Be Familiar with Modern Mediums of Communication
Texting, if you don’t do it, you might want to learn … fast. The iPhone can make or break my romantic future with someone. Refer back to flirtatious banter!
Be Careful What You Share Online…
Or at least be very aware of what you share online – especially in the social media arena. I’ve learned that being friends with your ex is great but DON’T post in online or EVERYONE thinks there is more there than there actually is. Also keep it classy.
Your Past is Always Present
Prepare to be Googled and if the search is less than stellar prepare to not get googily eyes coming your way. Your dates are digging around in your past before they even say yes. If you were arrested 20 years ago for molesting a bird, be prepared to talk about it. Real life story. Met an awesome guy. Sexy as they come and hilarious to boot. Busted out the google machine. Sex offender. Pleaded guilty. No second date.
Play Coy at Your Own Risk
People are busier than ever, and thanks to Tinder, FB and Instagram’s DM we have way more opportunities to get dates in a hurry. This means if you like someone, you better let them know. The days of sulking around, pretending that you don’t care in the hopes that your disdain will drive your suitor crazy are OVER.
Do Not Assume Exclusivity
This is how I’ve hurt my fair share of suitors. Make sure to DTR!
The Best Rule of All – Prince Charming is still relevant
In a fast, casual, abbreviated world charm, grace, etiquette and consideration count more than ever. In times past, when manners and social graces were more common, it was assumed you would present a natural charm. But in the age of Tweets, messaging and hashtags, a phone call makes a man seem like Sir Walter Raleigh. Make a point of holding to the best parts of the past – phone calls, thoughtful surprises, and other affectations of a gentler age.